my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
there is glitter all over my balls
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