im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i drank out of a bidet.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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