he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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