There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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