omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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