No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
