just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
