Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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