She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
