he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
