yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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