So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
