i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
