The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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