Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
