Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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