i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wish there were birth control emojis
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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