1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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