Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
