After last night, I could never be a politician.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
