Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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