I must be too annoying 4 u.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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