He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
