i don't like sucking hair
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I looked at my own cervix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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