Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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