so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
