Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
