i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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