I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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