remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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