dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
