I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
