Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
