GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
