his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
