i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
