i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
