My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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