i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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