In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
