I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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