i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
