so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
