I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
