Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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