nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
