I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
