I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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