My brain says no but my pants say off.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
