I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
