my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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