it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
