Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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