Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
