last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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