My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had to cum in my sink.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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