I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
