you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
