remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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