I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
