I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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