well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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