This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
