we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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