One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
