OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
