apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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