Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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