Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
