you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
