she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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